Task

For 1 week, when you feel critical of a person or initiative, reframe it.

Examples

Christmas Singers

I went to church on Christmas week. The place was packed, perhaps 700-1000 people. I sat down and the singers at the front had their eyes closed and they were patting their chests and my first impulse was “they should be less demonstrative, it comes across as showy and insincere.”

I caught myself and followed up with the thought: “Artists are different than thinkers. I have no reason to believe they aren’t sincere. This is a busy time of year and they spent their time practicising to make an enjoyable service. It’s enjoyable to have such talented people.”

And then - I felt happy. I was cheering for them to be great.

The Honker

I was getting lunch with my wife and as we were walking across the busy parking lot, someone honked at us - they really laid on their horn. My first thought was “What a jerk, we did nothing wrong.”

I caught myself and followed up with the thought: “I have no idea what they are going through. It may have nothing to do with me. Maybe they got divorce papers and won’t see the kids over Christmas. Maybe they are just miserable and angry, and that would suck to feel that way over the holidays. They need someone to fill them with love and joy the way my family and faith fills me.”

And then I felt compassion for the person, and I felt inclined to pray for them.

Serving Refugees

I went to a Christmas service made for refugees, most of whom were not Christian. A local NGO was renting room from the church to serve the refugees. The church had volunteered to make a special 3 course dinner, with presents, singing and a short message.

This church was small and poor. I was not contributing in any way, I was simply a guest. And then the pastor got up and I thought, “Why can’t he have a more commanding presence. Why do the songs have to be so janky?”

I caught myself and followed up with the throught: “He has built this amazing evening. No one else was doing anything for these people who have nothing. Kent, you certainly aren’t! You are just eating the food! Many barely speak English, they need easy to understand songs. What an incredible person to have invested so much time into those who can never repay. This is an example of someone who Jesus would commend.”

And then I found I respected him and I felt happy. I was cheering for him and the event the rest of the evening.

Scoring

Each time you reframe, give yourself a point.

Philosophy

It’s easy to …

  1. listen to the Sunday sermon and I notice all the flaws and think ‘That should be done better.’
  2. listen to the worship and think, ‘That person was too pitchy.’
  3. get cut off in traffic and think, ‘What a jerk.’
  4. watch your kids basketball game and think, ‘What a terrible ref’
  5. talk to your kids teacher and think, ‘They are a terrible teacher’
  6. see a colleague or another company and think, ‘They are doing a terrible job’

This can lead too …

  1. Not seeing the good in other people, only focusing on the bad.
  2. Never being happy, because you are harsh with yourself and others.
  3. Being critical of everything (coaches, pastors, enterpreneurs), and those around you can’t enjoy it.
  4. Your kids thinking they can never be enough, or that their boyfriends or spouses can never be enough.
  5. Anger, disgust, contempt.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if your attitude about the pastor, coach, ref, entrepreneur was one, where, if the kids of that person (who admired their dad) were excited to hear what you had to say about their dad?

Accepting people doesn’t mean you are blind. Of course you can tell if the job they do at work is only a 4/10 or if they are a jerk to your friend.

But Jesus goes to Zachaeus’ house while he was still a thief. He comes to the aid of the woman caught in adultery. They haven’t changed or said sorry. But Jesus is there anyhow. He is for them, right then, knowing they are sinners.

It is unhelpful to say ‘You ought to better.’ That may be true in the sense that we ought to do good things. But people are where they are. God loves them. He is willing to forgive them. He reaches out to them “while they are still sinners.”

Do not sit on the judgment seat.

  1. You don’t know that person’s background
  2. You don’t know how far they’ve come.
  3. You don’t know how far they will go.
  4. Accept them. See the good. Want the best.

Don’t pretend they have no flaws. Love them with their flaws. Don’t focus on those flaws. Call to the best in them. Never be disgusted by another sinner. You are one too.